Is climbing just another stupid sport?
Climbing debuted as a demonstration sport at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Whilst we all find the idea of competition climbing pretty straightforward, what do you think the average sports fan think? Let’s first have a look at some the established events that uphold the Olympics ideals of “Faster, Higher, Stronger”.
Swimming freestyle over various distances is ok – it is simply trying to swim as fast as possible. Backstroke, breaststroke and butterfly are merely contrivances to make people swim slower. If these events remain, then we need to introduce jumping with both feet tied together, skipping and running backwards over each of the 100, 200, 400, 800, 1500, 3000, 5000, 10000 & marathon distances. Clearly this is absurd – and if you agree, then so are backstroke, breaststroke and butterfly.
Fighting & warfare
Archery, fencing & shooting
Playing with swords, guns and bows & arrows is for children.
If you must have boxing, then have proper boxing and not this watered-down version where 2nd grade fighters wear helmets. That’s like allowing rowers to use a small outboard motor because they find rowing tiring. Also the idea of weight divisions is absurd – why not have height divisions for basketball or body fat divisions for the marathon?
It seems strange that Judo is the only martial art in the Olympics? If this is in, then why not include Karate, Kung Foo and all 8713 other Martial Arts?
This is the most popular event at the Hairy-back Gay Olympics – do we really need it here?
Ball & similar sports
Baseball, Basketball, Softball
These silly parochial sports could be moved to the USA Games and nobody would notice.
Let’s be honest – this would be laughed off as a joke if the athletes wore clothing. Why not go the whole hog and do it naked. Actually, almost all sports would be more popular if the athletes were naked (except shot put, hammer throw, javelin, weight lifting etc)
Football has a World Cup that is bigger than the Olympics – why does it need to be here as well? Not only are the Olympics less important to footballers, but at the Olympics they only have players under 23 years old (ie not the best players). Why not have age divisions for all sports? I think the under 11 hammer throw will be quite fun.
If you allow ping pong then you have to consider snooker and darts. Do you know that you can buy purpose made table tennis shoes?
Do you know that BMX racing is in? Surely people stop riding these when they are 10. As for pursuit racing on the track – why not scrap the first 99 laps where they go round at 2km/h and just have one lap of proper racing?
Why only horses? Why not camels, elephants, ostriches etc?
Track and field
Mostly good, but never forget the triple jump and steeple chase. If these events were invented today, the inventor would be ridiculed. One could make up a million similarly contrived sports. Why not have pole vault with a hurdle and puddle half way down the run up?
Ok, except for the weight division nonsense. If they keep this, then I look forward to climbing in the heavyweight division and not having to compete against Dave Graham, Steve McClure, Adam Ondra and co!
So what about climbing?
I suspect that people will quickly notice that there are no world records to beat (or worse, they’ll insist on records and climbing will be reduced to a race up a ladder (faster) or a dyno competition (higher)). They’ll notice that routes can be set to suit specific athletes (ie the whole thing can be rigged). They’ll find the technical decisions, which have recently plagued some international competitions, incomprehensible. Basically, they’ll think it is pretty odd – which means that it is an ideal Olympic sport.