JOTD

How did that route get that name? Jokes. Funny bits. Crag humour.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:02 pm

:pirat:
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:44 pm

Choices...
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Ghaznavid
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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Tue Feb 16, 2016 12:56 pm

The latest phishing email:

“Dear Mr. Sir,

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance."
"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

hendriks
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Re: JOTD

Postby hendriks » Wed Apr 06, 2016 10:08 am

The forum has been bleddie serious lately. What happened to all the funny ou's?


A golfer hit his ball into a garden next to the golf course.

As he went to get it, the home owner said: "Don't you see the sign? It
says 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer replied: "I'm sorry, I didn't see it. That's my ball over
there. May I have it, please?"

The man said: "It's in my garden and so it's my ball now."

The golfer looked at the him and said: "I think I understand."

He walked back to the golf cart, got another golf ball, then walked
back and threw it into the garden.

The home owner asked: "Now what did you do that for?"

The golfer replied:
"I consider myself a gentleman, and I
believe every prick should have two balls."

mokganjetsi
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Re: JOTD

Postby mokganjetsi » Wed Apr 06, 2016 12:01 pm

Ghaznavid wrote:The latest phishing email:

“Dear Mr. Sir,

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance."
[/quote
Yup looks totally legit. Spelling mostly good. Story plausible. Bring. Him. Home.

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emile
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Re: JOTD

Postby emile » Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:20 pm

How I learned to mind my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting "13...13...13".

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14...14...14"

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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Tue May 10, 2016 1:45 pm

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who s***s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep s***, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Mon Jun 13, 2016 6:52 pm

Facebook 'real' :P
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Wed Aug 24, 2016 11:14 am

A tough old sheep farmer from northern England gave some advice to his granddaughter back at the start of the Great War in 1914.
He told her that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder onto her breakfast every morning.

The granddaughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 109.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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emile
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Re: JOTD

Postby emile » Wed Sep 07, 2016 7:31 am

One for Hann :thumright

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Wed Sep 07, 2016 9:12 am

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Just Juan.

How many Amish people does it take to change a candle?

I was drinking at a bar last night when a waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" "Hell, I know the whole alphabet.", I shouted. Everyone laughed... Well.. except this one guy.

Politicians are like sperm. Only one in a million turns out to be a human being.

Just replaced my shoelaces with earphones.
Now they knot themselves.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Mon Sep 26, 2016 4:19 pm

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken stopped him and said ...
Don't do it mate, you will never hear the end of it!! ...
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mattb595
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Re: JOTD

Postby mattb595 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:17 pm


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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Fri Oct 21, 2016 9:50 am

I am unsure in which thread this belongs :shock:
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Thu Oct 27, 2016 10:07 am

#USelections
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Wed Nov 09, 2016 9:53 am

Anyone know when Samuel L. Jackson will be arriving?

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supersmeda
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Re: JOTD

Postby supersmeda » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:20 am

Hilarious!!! :lol: How to be a climber:

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Fri Jan 06, 2017 7:18 pm

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