Yellow-Point — A climb where you were so scared you almost pee'd
Brown-Point — similar to Yellow-Point except for more severe
Red-Point — a blood stain left by a cratered climber.
Crater (to) /v./ To fall and hit the ground
Different kinds of climbers: Novice — Someone (often dead) who
should be kept off the mountains at all costs. Experienced climber —
Someone whose death was unavoidable. Alpine Club Member — Someone
who never dies but slowly fades away.
Alps /n./ cries for assistance, most commonly heard in alpine areas
of Great Britain.
Artificial climbing: knack of appearing to climb by talking about
it. This technique is best employed far from actual climbing areas,
which tend to be hazardous. Small taverns and pizza parlors with an
impressionable clientele are excellent sites for artificial
Blood /n./ substance commonly used to mark a climbing route.
Boulder /n./ place close to the ground to practice falling. When
climbers aren't climbing, they like to sharpen their skills by
bouldering on large rocks located in places frequented by
impressionable tourists. Because bouldering is done without
protection, the rule is never to climb higher than you'd like to
fall. That is why so many climbers stand around discussing boulder
problems instead of climbing them.
El Capitan /prop. n./ expedition leader in a spanish speaking
Foot jam /n./ offensive accumulation between the toes, caused by
wearing the same socks for several days.
Gorp /interj./ mealtime sound made by a hungry alpinist.
Rurp /interj./ sound made by a climber after downing a hasty
Horn /n./ malady brought on by being too long alone in the
Ice screw /n./ drastic cure for a severe case of horn.
Layback /n./ what a climber looks forward to at the end of a
Line of weakness: long involved explanation for not attempting a
Matterhorn /n./ trumpetlike musical instrument favored by swiss
Mountaineering /n./ slow walking uphill while not feeling very
Offwidth crack /n./ remark made in a smartass manner.
Snow bridge /n./ card game played on a glacier. As in other alpine
endeavors, tricks are common, and there is always a dummy.
Terminal moraine /n./ the last glacier you'll ever climb.
Unzip (to) /v./ simple yet spectacular way to remove
Walking: uncommon means of mountain locomotion. See fall, glissade,
Webbing /n./ rope that has been stepped on so many times it is
Wilderness /n./ archaic word used to refer to the space that once
existed between urban areas and which is now used as a proving
ground for 4-wheel drive vehicles.
Wilderness travel /n./ art of avoiding snowmobiles, four wheel
drives and oil wells.
You have an opinion, so do I. When these differ, please don't confuse your opinion with the truth, nothing is absolute.