Who do you think would win?

Colin Crab, 50, has climbed 31 and cranks every weekend. Just don’t ask him about performance enhancing white powders that line his cupboards. He is the only codger of the three who can tell you to the nearest 2 decimal places what percentage of his muscle fibres he is going to recruit. Then there is Roger, 43 years young and a SA climbing legend for being the first climber to do 31, with Stormwatch. After a layoff he re-entered the scene a couple of years ago and is really showing the young durbanites what can be achieved with over a quarter century of experience and enough beta per route to fill a windows operating manual. He opened Stone Haven 30, at Umgeni recently and is 9th in the SA rankings. Then of course there is Stuart Brown, 46 and guardian of Badkloof. Big send of late would be Stu’s route down by the water, not a great name but clocks in at 31 nevertheless. He has send numerous Montagu 29’s and 30’s over the last couple of years and like Colin, his training regime uses algorithms and his mental preparation would impress your average Yogi. It would be great to see these head to head in a celebrity codger climbing death-match, no ibuprofen, only 2 metres of tape each, no stick clips...just a pure test of elderly brawn.

Apparently Codger Nattrass has a dinkum doctors note for his clip stick (a fancy titanium job I'll have you know!) and doesn't go anywhere without it. He's unlikely to compete unless cheat clipping the first six draws is fair game.

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You have an opinion, so do I. When these differ, please don't confuse your opinion with the truth, nothing is absolute.

I say we give them each a handfull of blue pills and see who gets up first

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Open hand, open mind...

Mark .... I think I like your idea best. This clearly tips the odds in my favor (but you already knew that) and for Stormcloud's benefit I will only need to recruit one muscle and will be able to tell you to the nearest 2 decimal places how many inches I will need to recruit....

Roger may use his stick clip to help him get up... if he has a legitimate doctors certificate

so... where will this death match be held and, if there's no set venue, what will the criteria of judgement be for being the strongest Codger?

What about a 6 months race for sending the most hard-ass lines of their choice? Sorry guys, no repeats will count. All new routes. FA's are also contentious, except for when consensus affirms the grade.

I say Greco-roman style wrestling. Round robin type of format with three events. Each competitor gets to choose a venue. Once we have the top two (from the three tournaments), we have a no holds barred ultimate cage fight! To the death obviously.

Sounds good to me!

If it is just a boring climb off, I say we have a set route (natural or plastic, I don't care), it has to be within their ability, so no harder than 26 . Then we strap weights to them (as a % of their body mass, so it's fair) and up the weights until someone fails miserably. Then in keeping with the death-match theme I would suggest that the winner gets to drop his competitors weights onto his subordinates heads (from a prescribed height). It will be a lot like the scene from Lord of the Flies (I think).

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Open hand, open mind...

Would the set route require tracking?

Certainly not, that would just lead to injury

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Open hand, open mind...

And possibly certain death..

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You have an opinion, so do I. When these differ, please don't confuse your opinion with the truth, nothing is absolute.