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 Post subject: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:27 am 
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In light of everyone seemingly all serioussed up, I though I'd try to lighten the mood a bit on this lovely Friday.

Rules of thumb:

A person who wears a fanny pack loves science fiction, and vice versa.

A person who wears a belt with shorts is probably religious.

If a person says he enjoys the opera, that person is a liar.

If the flyer shows the band standing on the railroad tracks, the band is shit.

If a guy has cords on his sunglasses, he's a dick. If the sunglasses are mirrored, he's probably dangerous.

All golfers like women.

If she smokes, she f###s.

If a person says, \"Go look in the sink\" - don't.

You should always steer clear of Martin Luther King Jr. Drive, regardless of the city you are in.

Ugly travels in packs.

A drunk fat woman is louder than The Who.

Nobody cares about the weird dream you had last night.

You CAN judge a book by its cover.

If a man says he has a large penis, he has a small penis. If a man says he has a small penis, he has a small penis.

If you open a shit cafe in a trendy neighborhood, people will line up with money in their hands begging to eat shit.

People who say, \"Whoa, I'm not even going to touch that one!!\" can't think of anything clever to say.

One of the main requirements for being a basketball coach is the ability to act like you just can't fucking believe it.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:36 am 
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Dares at work:

One-point dares:


Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, \"Sorry, I really prefer it this way\".
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
Finish all your sentences with \"In accordance with the prophecy...\"
Don't use any punctuation.
Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

Three-point dares:


Say to your boss, \"I like your style\", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers while making a clicking sound with your tongue that resembles the sound of a revolver.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
Every time you get an email, shout \"e-mail\".
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone is over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Introduce yourself to a new colleague as \"the office bicycle\". Then wink and pout.
Call I.T. help desk and tell them that you can't seem to access any SPAM web sites.

Five-point dares:


At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as \"Bob\".
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you \"really have to go do a number two\".
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, \"Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!\"
During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, \"I'll call you tonight\".

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 4:49 pm 
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Hey OneDog
Funny stuff, thanx.
Just wanted to mention I did tackle 'that' climb this weekend, although it was only one grade higher than my previous redpoint best. And it was a monster!!! :!:
Scary stuffff!!! But educational to say the least. Whats up with you on the challenge?
:D

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:40 pm 
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hey brolloks

no prb, see below for another one....

I did not go a higher grade yet :oops: ( due to a lack of time ) . I did however do a beautiful redpoint of one that scared me even though it's slightly below my previous highest.

I'll try to go out this weekend as I've eyed a route or two which is above my previous best and that I want to tackle this coming weekend, will let you know.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:43 pm 
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A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw
and spots another man (Veli) on the 1st floor. He yells down to him,
but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he
tries sign language. He points at his eye meaning \"I\", points at his
knee meaning, \"need\", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw
motion.
The man on the 1st floor (Veli) nods his head, pulls down his
pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so
angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts,\" What the f#ck is wrong
with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!\"
The other guy says, \"I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming.\"

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 8:44 pm 
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Location: da Big Red baboon in magalies
nice 1 :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:47 am 
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1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.


2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.


Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?


Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been paying attention? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:54 am 
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OneDog

Ever used that in an interview?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:19 am 
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Babycoat - Nope, but I think it would be great to determine whether someone is more a creative thinker or fall into the broader \"the way it's always been done\" type category. :) (Ever heard the one about corporate policies? See below)

Why, are you interviewing? I'm dying to get out of my job. I've even started worm farming - you should have seen the people's reaction when I got my buckets of worms delivered by courier at my office :lol:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:21 am 
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Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

And that, my friends, is how a company policy begins.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:30 am 
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Hope everyone is having a laid back Friday....

Quote:
This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian
authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south
to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north
to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We
are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers
and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change
your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's
one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be
undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.


Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.


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 Post subject: Strategy
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:51 am 
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Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars in London. Ahmed drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house
and has a lot of money to spend. Hamid only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day. Hamid asks Ahmed how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day.

Ahmed says, \"Look at your sign - It says, 'I have no work, a wife and six kids to support.' Britons who see that do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign.\"

So Hamid looks at Ahmed's sign which reads, \"I only need another £10 to go back to Pakistan.\" !!

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:12 pm 
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Have a nice weekend!!

Edward Longshanks arrives with 4000 troops in SA to f#$k up the Boere. After arriving at the battlefield, he sees a figure in the distance on a hill with blond hair, short pants and a comb stuck into his sock.

\"Rooinek!\" shouts the Boer. \"Kom hier jou Engelse moer! I will gives you helluva gatskop!!\"

Edward turns to his CO and says: \"Take 20 men and deal with that Boer upstart!\" The CO does that, and 20min later the Boer is back on the hill \"You! English donner! Stuur the rest of your Rooinekke. I will f.. them almal op!\"

Edward is irritated by this and tells his CO: \"Take 100 men and kill that little guttersnipe!\" The CO complies. A short while later, sure as shit, the Boer is back on the hill \"Hey, you ...t! Jou ma se ....! I is just warming up! Come moer me dik!\"

At this point Edwards loses it and sends in 400 troops to kill the Boer. 10 min later the Boer is back up on the hill. His clothes are torn and his hair stands wildly. It's blood, snot and Castle. \"Is dat de best ye can do? You bloody vrot pommies! Come on, come and have a go julle souties! Kom klap me stukkend!\"

Red in the face Edward commands his CO \"Take the rest of the men and don't come back untill you have killed him!\". 5 minutes later a single bloodied and frantically yelling troop storms back shouting \"You majesty!, It's a trap! There's two of them!\"

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:00 am 
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It's that time of the week again. Sorry about the caps, that the way I got it and I'm too lazy to retype it.

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY...
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BADGIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, \"WHERE'S THE SELF-HELPSECTION?\" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO \"GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?\"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGEREDPLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15 WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILLCLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TOREMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET BUCK TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROADSIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD \"LISP\" TO HAVE \"S\" IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED \"HEMORRHOIDS\" INSTEAD OF \"ASSTEROIDS\"?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT THEM?

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 11:24 am 
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Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough
to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused
George, a new church member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old
pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She
emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it
there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just
turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend , or deny... He said
nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's house... Walked home.. And left it there all night.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 11:50 am 
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Location: Cape Town
Real Name: Jonathan Joseph
Sooooo.....

At the local MCSA hall, three climbers are walking towards the basins after pointing their respective percies at the porcelain, and the conversation turns to washing techniques.

The Sport Climber says, \"I rinse my hands thoroughly up to the wrists, to ensure oil and grime free hands\"

The Boulderer says, \"I wash just my fingertips to maximise energy conservation\"

The Trad Climber, walking past the basins, says \"I don't piss on my hands\"


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:50 pm 
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hahaha
great stuff man!

hey dog, i'm still on that 'project two grades higher than my highest redpoint', with no success yet. its hard man!!! How you doin'?
:D

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 2:23 pm 
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hey brolloks

Free-soloed some thorn trees this wekend (seriously) - removed some \"voel ent\". Other than that nothing since last time, sorry.

You'll just laugh if you hear what grades I climb anyway, but I'll keep at it till I get to that \"bouldering a Rhino in labour\" stage.

:oops: :lol:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 3:21 pm 
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i'm already laughing at most of the stuff you say anyways, especially the rhino and thorntree redpointing you're up against...

sjoe, i'm glad i'm not you!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

keep the good stuff coming!
thanx!

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 4:17 pm 
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Can't take credit for the thorn tree & rhino quip - someone else said it on a another thread, but it was in my my mind the whole time when I was up that tree....

If memory serves me from previous posts I gather you climb at Bronkies from time to time?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:05 pm 
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nope, dog, never been there before... you reckon its worth the trip? since i have to drive from ... faaaaaaar away, sorry dude, like to keep the mystery real... having a nickname like this is keeping me out of jail, so... no real names... hehehe

peace!
8)

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:44 pm 
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No worries, my mistake, memory is failing me, was just curious.

Depends on how far faaaar is, it's pretty good but if far is really that faaaaar I'd rather go to a place where I can camp out etc. It's about the same distance from me as Strubens (60-70km) and I like it a lot more than Strubens, so it's cool for me.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 9:34 am 
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In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.
The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,
\"Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.\"

There was a fish in the water thinking,
\"Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.\"

There was a bear on the shore thinking,
\"Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches
That fish will jump for the fly...
And I will grab the fish!!\"

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich....
\"Gosh,\" he thought, \"if that fly goes down three inches...
And that fish leaps for it...
That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.\"

Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one river bank, but I can tell you there's more....

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, \"Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...
And that fish jumps for that fly..
And that bear grabs for that fish..
The dumb hunter will shoot the bear
And drop his cheese sandwich.\"

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular river around lunch time)

\"Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..
And that fish jumps for that fly ..
And that bear grabs for that fish
And that hunter shoots that bear..
And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich .
Then I can have mouse for lunch.\"

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly..

The bear grabs the fish..

The hunter shoots the bear..

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...

The cat jumps for the mouse..

The mouse ducks...

The cat falls into the water and drowns.

NOW, The Moral Of The Story....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy is gonna be in serious danger.

That's the way it is .......

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 9:09 am 
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Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what
could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife
has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My
wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask
their names she always says, \"Just some friends from work, you don't know
them.\"

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always
walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has
gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went
berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was
I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my
wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last
night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the
garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole
street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my
Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be
leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks, Bob

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 3:58 pm 
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Van goes to France for the Rugby World Cup, but on arrival get struck by a very serious pain in his groin area. The doctor tells him that the only way forward is for Van to have surgery asap, but Van refuses the idea immediately. 'I'll just take the pain' the thought and tried to continue his tour of France.

But at about six o'clock he couldn't take it at all any more, so he rushes to another hospital for 'a second opinion'.

After a quick checkup and cat scan the doctor gravely informs Van that his condition is serious and that they'll have to remove his testicles immediately!

\"Oh\", says Van, \"sure you may remove my testicles! I thought the previous doctor wanted to remove my test tickets...\"

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 9:25 am 
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Women think they already know everything, but wait; training courses
are Now available for women on the following subjects at Damelin:-

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
26. Getting ready to go out: Start the day before.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 10:12 am 
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A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.It read as follows:

Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky....

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 7:49 am 
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A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: \"I have a question to ask you but I don't
want to offend you.\"

She answers, \"My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive.\"

\"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss
me.\"

She responds, \"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.\"

The cab driver is very excited and says, \"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!\"

\"OK\" the nun says. \"Pull into the next alley.\"

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

\"My dear child,\" says the nun, \"why are you crying?\"

\"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.\"

The nun says, \"That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.\"

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 Post subject: The Pastor's Ass
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 1:52 pm 
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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $50. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $50

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.


So be yourself, and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 11:09 am 
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I like the one about the blame....

Image
Image
Image
Image

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