A thread of amusing, trite, outrageous and interesting quotes by climbers.

So write down the quote and then give the context.

*Note: This post is a merge of two threads - I started one and then Snort started the other, I have used Snort's Subject and intro for the thread (cause his writing is better than mine

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\"Climbing is the only cure for gravity.\"

\"Beware the sit start.\"

\"Bouldering is like masturbation: not as good as the real thing but you don't need to worry about your protection.\"

\"Bivouac /n./ French for 'mistake'.\"

\"Greg, we gotta do this thing tomorrow. We're almost out of booze.\" — Jim Donini to Greg Crouch beneath Mt Bradley on the Ruth Glacier.

\"The client is trying to kill you, the client is trying to kill himself and the client is trying to kill the rest of the clients.\" — The 3 rules of mountain guiding.

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\"There are old climbers, and bold climbers, but there are no old bold climbers\"

\"I know the colour of adrenaline, it is brown\" - US General WWII

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\"When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you\". - Oom Nietzsche

Solo climber:
One climber falling.

Alpine style:
Lots of climbers falling, tied together.

Bouldering:
One climber falling and missing a thick mat.

Trad:
One climber falling on another climber

and...

Most sports require only one ball.

\"Doubly happy, however, is the man to whom lofty mountain tops are within reach.\" - John Muir

\"Nobody climbs mountains for scientific reasons. Science is used to raise money for the expeditions, but you really climb for the hell of it.\" - Edmund Hillary.

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“ Behold, I lay in Zion
A chief cornerstone, elect, precious,
And he who believes on Him will by no means be put to shame.”

The effect of that stone's scale and singularity is so great that groups of tourists routinely gather in the meadow below simply to stare at the thing, using binoculars and high-powered telescopes to pick out climbers as if searching the skies for lost astronauts. Indeed, the first recorded non-Indian sighting of the wall comes from a U.S. Cavalry doctor who rode into the Valley in 1851, got one look at El Capitan, and fell behind his regiment to sit staring upward in awe, his heart pounding and his eyes filling with tears. When another soldier called back to the doctor, worried there might be scalping Indians in the trees, the doctor replied, \"If my hair is now required, I can depart in peace, for I have here seen the power and glory of a Supreme Being.\"

\"I couldn't catch a ball or any of that stuff. I could do only what required brute stupidity.\" — Warren Harding (1925-2002).

\"The hardest thing about Fontainebleau is spelling it.\" — John Black.

\"He who remains calm while those around him panics probably doesn't know what is going on.\"

\"If you don't let go, you can't fall off !\" — Jerry Moffat.

\"Well, you don't see that every day.\" — Bev Johnson to her partner after seeing a body fall off El Cap.

\"In the mountains there are only two grades: You can either do it, or you can't.\" — Rusty Baille.

\"John Wayne never wore Lycra.\" — Ron Kauk about why he climbs in Blue-Jeans.

\"Climbers have no sense of smell.\" — Conrad Anker's mother.

\"Even the descent was fraught with sucking.\" — Adams, describing his first big wall.

\"I started climbing when men were men... and we nailed 5.8.\" — TM Herbert.

\"If the answer is 13 RURPs and a bat hook, what was the question ?\" — Joel Wiley.

\"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.\" — Carl Zwanzig.

\"It's all fun and oneness with nature until you realize you can't have diarrhea and vomit at the same time without an extra bucket.\" — Nate B.

\"The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun.\" — Alex Lowe.

Source: http://www.outdoorfunstore.com/climbingquotes.asp

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\"There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.\" -- Ernest Hemmingway

\"Rock - it's more than a sport. It becomes a lifestyle. It runs in your blood and mirrors your mind; a kaleidoscope of little chalked-up holds stretching on forever...\"
- Andy de Klerk, MCSA Journal 1984

\"Take me, I'm pumped out\" - Myself on the weekend

Thought I would start a new thread of amusing, trite, outrageous and interesting quotes by climbers.

So write down the quote and then give the context.

Josh Bedford at Blouberg:

"Climbing grade 24 at Blouberg is like climbing grade 26 at Montagu"

Context: This last weekend Kevin Smith, Stewart Middlemiss, Hector Pringle, Andrew Porter, Snort and Josh Bedford all got spanked in one way or another on relatively easy pitches at Blouberg; especially the "22"??? pitch on 8 Miles high that beat off Hector and Stewart on their first go, and Josh and Snort only got to finish the 24 pitch (pitch5) of Dog Day in Heaven leaving the upper 4 pitches (23,22,25,21) for another day.

Granted it was blazing hot which always cranks up the grade by 2 or so.

Nice one Snort

"This is some of the most relaxing climbing I've done in a long time"
Reply: "That depends what side of the rope you're on!"

Context: Ed Feb and I whilst opening a new route in Montagu at a really beautiful venue; The sun was gently beaming in, the birds were singing, the sound of running water drifting up from the river... I made the comment whilst lying on my back belaying, Ed was fighting to stay in the crack.

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Gerald Camp is a geography teacher who regularly takes kids climbing. One day he was slaving up a crack route and while executing a hard move he squeezed out a fart so loud it echoed thru the kloof-silencing the crag crowded with his students, and he said:

"Gee, the crack expanded! Now was that chemical or biological weathering?"

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If you aren't willing to solve your own problems, how can you expect others to?

Anonymous Everest summiteer when asked what the hardest thing was about climbing Mount Everest: "Pissing through 6 inches of clothing with a 3 inch penis"

" You just imagine yourself getting smaller and smaller and the grips will get bigger and bigger" - Matt Bush

random session at CityROCK.

*Two climbers climbing their first ever multipitch. Mike reaches the first stance and begins to belay Conrad up. Conrad who is rather exhausted finaly reaches the top of the stance.

Conrad: "So Mike... Have you ever done this set up before?"
Mike: "No...(awkward silence)... but ive read a book on it?"

Tying in at one of the incredible walls of Muir Valley - Red River Gorge, two different groups were discussing the positives of each others disciplines, Trad and Sport. It was interesting seen as we were standing in the middle of the largest sport climbing area in the country.

"Climbing is like going to a frat party, you got your keg parties and your BYOB's, either way, you're going to get S***faced"

"You can go down on me" - Paul Bruyere to Naureen Goheer

At the ACRA challenge held at Boven a few years back the challengers were all huddled on the ledge waiting for their turn to climb. Naureen was desperate to find a little girls' room out of view of the supporting crowd. There were a number of ropes to abseil down on. The heplful lads were offering advice on which rope she should use....

Belayer "Go Fatti!!"
Dave B. "thats not a very nice thing to say"
Belayer (laughing) "that's her name"

One of the Fatti sisters being given encouragement by her belayer whilst moving through the crux moves at a route in Boven.

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Climbing "Atlantic Crag" with Jonathan Levy using his (PINK) 30 year old Edelrid Rope

Jonathan: "Just make sure not to fall and don't hang on the rope!"

Aparently it's called "character building"

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Super Mario

On the first pitch above the grassy ledge at Blouberg, while navigating what dry rock we could find in a meandering fashion up the face, Hector approaches a small roof at the top of a dihedral. While looking for placements, a bat flies out from the roof and disappears. Hector, as usual, keeps his cool and his casual mention of the bat fails to distract the neighboring party of Hilton Davies and Ian Kotze from the crux pitch of Something of Value. Hector finds a placement, clips in, and in preparation for the roof that he is about to negotiate; he chalks up and exclaims:

"There's a bat in my chalk bag!!!"

The Pythonesque comment was enough to distract all parties from the act of climbing, and the chalky bat made its escape to the loud laughter of disbelief!

On my first climbing weekend the club took, the out a well known climber for a weekend at Pinnacle gorge (Eastern Cape). After the weekend, where I hadn't say much to anyone he left with these words: Hey Garvin don't let these white boys get you down.

It left me feeling really uneasy since I knew none of the folks there then. We're all still friends years later.

Garvin

Yes, I'm not white.

“One of the most impressive onsights I've seen, linking it with the circle arrow pitch above.”

Hector about Douw's onsight of the 22??? pitch off the grass ledge on the route 8 Miles High at Blouberg.

This pitch beat off amongst others, Stewart Middlemiss, Hector and Tony Dick and it is off this pitch that Andrew Pedley cratered and bust his tibia some years back.

It is rarely on-sighted!

Sandbag supreme.

I've always liked a friend of mine's response when faced with a slab runout. (on 3 pebble slab at Froggatt if anyonone knows it).

Me - "Come on Will, get your shit together"

Will - "I've got very little shit to get together, and that shit is crap".

"It’s not often that you really need to whip out the prussic cord and use it."

Fiona Macintosh getting some air time following Andy Wood on the traverse pitch of Roulette.

Where's the quotable quote Andyood and Snort ?

Andy C when driving up to the mine - "If you can't get past this bit, you won't make it any further..."

Guy

"You grab this two-finger pocket for three fingers..." (er... that would be the three-finger pocket??) - a friend of mine describing a route he was trying

'Do you do it 2 fingers deep or 3 fingers shallow?' - Toejam to Mad Mike regarding a route at the Hole, creating much amusement for 2 lovely girls climbing on a route nearby.

"You stick your middle finger into this diamond-shaped opening. Just as it starts to feel better the hole gets warm and moist"

Clinton describing the crux mono on his new project in Oudtshoorn with a bit of redness on his cheeks...

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I hate this real world place... I'd be more than happy to live out there rather...

"If you can hook it you can crimp it"

Marijus Šmigelskis getting physced on freeing a couple of aid pitches on Mediocrity (A3 / 24)


Marijus (top) and Clinton (bottom)

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