Trolls

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Climb ZA - Administrator

God invented the orgasm so women can moan when they're happy too.

Bwahahaahaaaaaa
Emile - nou soek jy vir ka%, roflmao

and Justin - you're talking about that Montie oukie, right? What a cunning stunt!

I might as well go all the way

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she’ll tell anything.

You posted that at 1AM! You were sleeping in the dog box, weren't you?

Gentlemen don't tell

My American friend held open the door for my Japanese friend.

The latter replied: "Sank You"

My American friend whispered to me: "I hope he is not referring to Pearl Harbor"

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

The biggest difference between men & women is what they mean when they say "I went through a whole box of tissues whilst watching that movie."

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I don't think, therefore I'm Not

A man had two of the best tickets for the Rugby World Cup Final.

As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No .... ," he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible ..... !" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the Rugby World and not use it ....... ?"

He says, "Well actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to, together, since we got married .... ......"

"Oh . . .. I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend, or relative, or even a neighbour, to take the seat .... ?"

The man shakes his head . . .., "No ....... . They're all at the funeral."

Good one

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Climb ZA - Administrator

A fact of life:

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF....

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Climb ZA - Administrator

A man walked into a Woolworth’s supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy asked the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added,"and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy,"I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand ?"the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager,"My wife is from New Zealand !"
"Really?" replied the boy,"Who did she play for?"

Not really a joke, but funny

http://www.notquitewrong.com/rosscottinc/comics/2011-08-03-madaboutsomething.jpg

In South Africa the police are usually the first to arrive on the scene of a crime.

In most other countries its the criminals...

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash
Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash

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Climb ZA - Administrator

Age

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Climb ZA - Administrator

Stolen off a FB posting...

Past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

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Climb ZA - Administrator

A man boarded an aircraft in New York and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and, Bingo! She took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in France ."

He swallowed hard. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, what's your business role at this convention?

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he smiled, "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that black men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Red Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Indian descent. We have found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Afrikaaners."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name

"Running Bear," the man said...."Running Bear Naidoo, but my friends call me Frikkie

I thought my new girlfriend was great, but after going through her underwear drawer and finding a nurse uniform, a french maid outfit and a police woman uniform, I dumped her - obviously she can't keep a job!

9 Immutable Truths



Number 9
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 8
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 7
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 6
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 2
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Number 1
Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long.

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Happy climbing
Nic

Frank and his wife is having sex...
All of a sudden, Frank stops and remains completely motionless.
His wife exclaims: "Frank, what the hell are you doing?".
Frank replies: "Oh, it's just something I saw on a porn site...it's called 'buffering'..."

If you fall, I''l be there for you.
Floor

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Climb ZA - Administrator

on the topic of floors then....

I had a huge fight with my girlfriend yesterday, but I know she'll come crawling back to me....I still have her wheelchair.

Under SOPA, you could get 5 years for uploading a Michael Jackson song. One year more than the doctor who killed him.

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With apologies to all those of Italian origin and to those who contemplate a cruise in the Med.


# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks


# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks


# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain


# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course."


# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That's more than can be said for his ship.


# The captain says he is not guilty of manslaughter. He has witnesses to prove he was nowhere near the passengers who died.


# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.


# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.


# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.

I'm sure I heard a few of them about the Oceanos many moons ago.

I went out and bought the Bonnie Tyler Edition satnav. It's a bit crap though, it keeps telling me to turn around and every now and then it falls apart.

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks..... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said.. "Oh, that's so lovely.. What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

I was working hard at the gym earlier, pumping some serious iron.

Some bloke came up to me and said, "You're gonna be very sore tomorrow, pal."

"It's alright," I laughed, "I'm used to working on my arms."

"I didn't mean your arms," he winked, "I've spiked your Lucozade..."

Jono pushing the envelope with the new Wild Country Friends

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Climb ZA - Administrator