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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 11:54 pm 
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Truth in the humour!?


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Sep 19, 2012 7:12 pm 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
Whoever took my copy of MS Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 12:31 am 
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Location: Cape Town
Real Name: Ben Olivier
Someone's in deep sheet or are you trying to prove a point Justin?

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:16 am 
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Real Name: OneDog
Sometimes I fill up my blow-up doll with helium so it plays hard to get


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:13 am 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
The local movie theatre was robbed of R524 last night. The thieves took a bag of popcorn and a large coke.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:21 am 
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There are two types of people in the world:
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:15 am 
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Real Name: OneDog
Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:19 am 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:36 am 
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Location: Stellenbosch
Real Name: Nic Le Maitre
Why did Megan fall off the swing?

She had no arms.


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Certainly not Megan.

(Sorry, slow day at the office)

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:35 pm 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
For almost a year I thought I was a man trapped inside a woman's body... Then I was born.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:44 am 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
When I was young I was scared of the dark.
Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:24 pm 
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Location: nieuwoudtville
Real Name: Albert Smit
What do you call a German dolphin?

Adolphin..


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 1:44 pm 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
If I saw an amputee being hanged would I instinctively shout out letters?

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:02 am 
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Real Name: OneDog
When people stutter I drop a beat for them, because I'm hoping they're about to freestyle.

I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid.

I put suicide notes next to roadkill, so their animal families can have some closure.


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:37 pm 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
When the doctor said I suffer from alcoholism I thought that's bullsh!t.
I really enjoy it.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:19 am 
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Real Name: OneDog
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.

I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken two.


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:39 am 
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Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
www.conjunctivituscure.com

That's a site for sore eyes.


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:56 am 
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Do people who stutter scratch their cd's on purpose so they can sing along?


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:42 pm 
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Real Name: OneDog
Dear Santa, this Christmas I don't want another sweater...

I'd much rather prefer a moaner or a screamer


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 12:57 am 
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Location: Cape Town
Real Name: Ben Olivier
I would love to have kids one day. Maybe two days, but that's it.

I love kids, especially in stews and soup.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:01 pm 
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Location: Montagu
Real Name: Justin Lawson
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:57 pm 
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Real Name: Jonathan Newman
emile wrote:
Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec


I put that one up on facebook some time back - got 1 like from a computer science friend and a "huh" comment from a relative. There are some really good maths jokes out there...

Some of my favourites (not that maths, computer and accounting jokes are the same thing, but any way):

Why is the integral of 1/cabin d cabin a mathematician's ideal holiday?
Because it equals log cabin + c

There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary, and those who don't

There are 3 types of accountants, those who can count and those who can't

An accountant is a person who provides a solution you don't understand to a problem that you didn't know you had and then bills you a fee you can't afford

An auditor is a person who shows up to the battle 3 months after its over and kills the survivors.

An actual quote by a client to me during my articles: You auditors - you want to have your cake and eat it, and then you bill me for the cost of the cake and the time spent eating it!

I could go on for hours...

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:44 pm 
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Santa saw your Facebook page. You're getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:17 pm 
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Real Name: Jonathan Newman
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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:03 am 
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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:45 pm 
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Ultra Fast Laser-Based Explosive Scanner Accelerates Airport Security Checks


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:24 am 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
This is excellent :lol:
"clim'bing"


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 7:44 am 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson
Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X. She's not coming back.
And don't ask Y.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:00 am 
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Real Name: Justin Lawson

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 10:33 am 
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I seriously cannot stop laughing at the taylor swift feat adam ondra, its brilliant!


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