JOTD

How did that route get that name? Jokes. Funny bits. Crag humour.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Tue Sep 04, 2012 11:54 pm

Truth in the humour!?
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Wed Sep 19, 2012 7:12 pm

Whoever took my copy of MS Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.
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Funguye
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Re: JOTD

Post by Funguye » Mon Sep 24, 2012 12:31 am

Someone's in deep sheet or are you trying to prove a point Justin?
Strangers have the best candy!
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emile
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Re: JOTD

Post by emile » Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:16 am

Sometimes I fill up my blow-up doll with helium so it plays hard to get
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:13 am

The local movie theatre was robbed of R524 last night. The thieves took a bag of popcorn and a large coke.
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:21 am

There are two types of people in the world:
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
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emile
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Re: JOTD

Post by emile » Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:15 am

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:19 am

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
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Nic Le Maitre
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Re: JOTD

Post by Nic Le Maitre » Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:36 am

Why did Megan fall off the swing?

She had no arms.


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Certainly not Megan.

(Sorry, slow day at the office)
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:35 pm

For almost a year I thought I was a man trapped inside a woman's body... Then I was born.
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:44 am

When I was young I was scared of the dark.
Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
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Re: JOTD

Post by Albert » Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:24 pm

What do you call a German dolphin?

Adolphin..
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Tue Oct 23, 2012 1:44 pm

If I saw an amputee being hanged would I instinctively shout out letters?
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emile
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Re: JOTD

Post by emile » Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:02 am

When people stutter I drop a beat for them, because I'm hoping they're about to freestyle.

I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid.

I put suicide notes next to roadkill, so their animal families can have some closure.
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:37 pm

When the doctor said I suffer from alcoholism I thought that's bullsh!t.
I really enjoy it.
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emile
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Re: JOTD

Post by emile » Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:19 am

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.

I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken two.
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Chris F
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Re: JOTD

Post by Chris F » Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:39 am

www.conjunctivituscure.com

That's a site for sore eyes.
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sybaard
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Re: JOTD

Post by sybaard » Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:56 am

Do people who stutter scratch their cd's on purpose so they can sing along?
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Re: JOTD

Post by emile » Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:42 pm

Dear Santa, this Christmas I don't want another sweater...

I'd much rather prefer a moaner or a screamer
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Re: JOTD

Post by Funguye » Thu Nov 22, 2012 12:57 am

I would love to have kids one day. Maybe two days, but that's it.

I love kids, especially in stews and soup.
Strangers have the best candy!
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:01 pm

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
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Ghaznavid
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Re: JOTD

Post by Ghaznavid » Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:57 pm

emile wrote:Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec
I put that one up on facebook some time back - got 1 like from a computer science friend and a "huh" comment from a relative. There are some really good maths jokes out there...

Some of my favourites (not that maths, computer and accounting jokes are the same thing, but any way):

Why is the integral of 1/cabin d cabin a mathematician's ideal holiday?
Because it equals log cabin + c

There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary, and those who don't

There are 3 types of accountants, those who can count and those who can't

An accountant is a person who provides a solution you don't understand to a problem that you didn't know you had and then bills you a fee you can't afford

An auditor is a person who shows up to the battle 3 months after its over and kills the survivors.

An actual quote by a client to me during my articles: You auditors - you want to have your cake and eat it, and then you bill me for the cost of the cake and the time spent eating it!

I could go on for hours...
"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:44 pm

Santa saw your Facebook page. You're getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.
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Re: JOTD

Post by Ghaznavid » Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:17 pm

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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:03 am

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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:45 pm

Ultra Fast Laser-Based Explosive Scanner Accelerates Airport Security Checks
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:24 am

This is excellent :lol:
"clim'bing"

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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Fri Mar 01, 2013 7:44 am

Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X. She's not coming back.
And don't ask Y.
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Re: JOTD

Post by Justin » Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:00 am

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sybaard
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Re: JOTD

Post by sybaard » Fri Mar 01, 2013 10:33 am

I seriously cannot stop laughing at the taylor swift feat adam ondra, its brilliant!
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