JOTD

How did that route get that name? Jokes. Funny bits. Crag humour.
Chris F
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Re: JOTD

Postby Chris F » Wed Aug 27, 2014 12:20 pm

16 sodium atoms walk into a pub.

Followed by Batman.

clickbutt
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Re: JOTD

Postby clickbutt » Wed Aug 27, 2014 1:03 pm

The actual number of atoms is controversial though: http://xkcd.com/851/

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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:31 am

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"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Mon Sep 22, 2014 9:15 am

I would like to thank my legs for supporting me,my arms for being by my side and lastly my fingers because I can always count on them.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, I thought to myself. "This changes everything!"

I went to listen to the Bermuda philharmonic, half way through the guy on the triangle disappeared.

I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it.
You never know when you might need a nail....

Askhole:a person who constantly asks your advice, but does the complete opposite.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
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Ghaznavid
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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Mon Oct 06, 2014 9:08 pm

"My girlfriend is like the square root of -100"
"I don't follow"
"She is a perfect 10, but unfortunately she is also imaginary"
"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Tue Oct 07, 2014 10:32 am

I wish I hadn't been so critical on the Lego forum earlier. They've blocked me.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Fri Oct 17, 2014 8:31 am

Escape From Table Mountain - Cape Town
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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Tue Nov 18, 2014 5:40 pm

A store has just opened in New York City that offered free husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to choose from. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and are great cooks.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited....
"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Wed Nov 19, 2014 7:56 pm

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"Excuse me sir, you are not allowed to invade our country without a TS713 form approved by the minister of homeland security"
"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Wed Dec 03, 2014 4:00 pm

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"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Tue Dec 09, 2014 8:30 am

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Mon Dec 15, 2014 11:29 am

Was late to my first Fight Club so missed the intro. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.

50% of people who win the lottery return to work the next day.... to tell their boss to F@#$ off.

I think the guy who invented Tipp-Ex made a mistake
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Tue Jan 27, 2015 3:20 pm

For sale: Homeless man...
Still in the box.

Was late to my first Fight Club so missed the intro. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:03 am

Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "How the heck do you drive this?"

One tectonic plate bumped into another and said....."Sorry, my fault."

I went to the art museum the other day, I really enjoyed it and took lots of pictures. I need bail.

Waterboarding at Guantánamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Fri Mar 06, 2015 2:20 pm

I wonder if Superman ever put his glasses on Lois Lane's dog and she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"

Traffic Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Me: "My love of riddles"?

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Houdini
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Re: JOTD

Postby Houdini » Thu Apr 16, 2015 2:36 pm

Bruce Wayne clearly wasn't a climber
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Fri Apr 17, 2015 10:29 am

Nandos Diversity Add - that didn't make it to TV :)

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Fri Jun 19, 2015 3:30 pm

I never believed wearing orthopaedic shoes would help my posture, but now, I stand corrected.

The police want to interview me, which is strange, as I didn't even apply for a job there.

Decaffeinated coffee does wake you up.
You just have to spill it on your lap.

Is it strange how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how strange it is?
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Stefan Smeda
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Re: JOTD

Postby Stefan Smeda » Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:49 pm

What's Chris Sharma's Favorite Volkswagon?

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Sat Jul 18, 2015 7:25 pm

Greek Crisis / Recovery explained :)
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Ghaznavid
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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Sat Jul 18, 2015 7:35 pm

@Justin: saw a similar one recently:

(excuse it being broken into 2, it was too large to upload):
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"There is something fundamentally wrong in treating the Earth as if it were a business in liquidation." Herman E Daly

LCD
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Re: JOTD

Postby LCD » Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:00 pm

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that is how the bailout package works!

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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Wed Aug 26, 2015 3:02 pm

Red Bull and Vodka. Because I want to be wide awake for this mistake.

The scientific rule that describes the behaviour of shredded cabbage in mayonnaise is known as Coles Law

The site www. firstforwomen.co.za keeps crashing

Sometimes when I'm doing my taxes I'm like, maybe prison would be easier.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Thu Sep 03, 2015 11:47 am

Karl Stefanovic in shock after seeing...

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CapeTiger
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Re: JOTD

Postby CapeTiger » Mon Sep 07, 2015 8:58 am

Report Bad Climbing
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emile
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Re: JOTD

Postby emile » Mon Sep 21, 2015 11:52 am

"Fragile Ego" (17) at Bronkies testing another victim. :wink:


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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:01 am

emile wrote:"Fragile Ego" (17) at Bronkies testing another victim. :wink: ]

At least he never used his knee's ;)

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:38 pm

Door knocking is so last century...

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Ghaznavid
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Re: JOTD

Postby Ghaznavid » Tue Dec 08, 2015 9:08 pm

This thread's been too quite for too long...
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Justin
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Re: JOTD

Postby Justin » Wed Dec 09, 2015 6:13 am

I'm always putting myself down.
Which is why I don't think I'll ever make it as a vet.

Cats only have one life.
You can prove it with a laser pointer and a motorway.

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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